Swoonabouts :: Fitful Bursts of Luminous Flux.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Hope and the Absurd: Life At Thirty.

It has taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts, but before I get to them let's start with someone else's thoughts. In the essay The Myth of Sisyphus, (a recent gift-certificate purchase!) Albert Camus writes, "At thirty, a man should know himself like the palm of his hand, know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures--be what he is. And above all, accept these things." Whether this is accomplished by thirty or not, it is a worthy notion.

Turning thirty is a (seemingly) significant mile marker. To tell you the truth, it makes my head spin. I had hoped to spare you the brooding soliloquy; it's bad enough I've cribbed Camus. There's no reason to bring in Solomon. Still it's downright ecclesiastical. Thirty years gone in a snap of the fingers, and what to show for it? Simply acknowledging it feels boorish, and still it's no less true. We have so little time.

The time I have spent in the company of friends and family in the last month has been a true joy. This October has been an especially meaningful time for me. I find myself reconnecting with a presence of mind and a growing appreciation for the singular moment. Whether it's feeling the quiet strength of a silent friend, or a good laugh over a long-distant phone call, the light-hearted jab and a sound ribbing, a shared meal, a new scheme with an old confederate. There is genuine satisfaction in the shared moment. There's a notable line by the poet Ann Michaels that says, "Only love sees the familiar for the first time." There are more absurd things to be in this absurd world than a sentimentalist. So I hope to accept this and be what I am. I hope to remain in the present and share what I can.

What the next thirty years look like, I couldn't tell you. What kind of mischief we see ourselves getting into? What belabored schemes? What fortune and misadventure? What noise? What resonance.

All together into the fray.

. . .

The title of this post, 'Hope and The Absurd', is taken from an accompanying appendix in The Myth of Sisyphus evaluating the works of Franz Kafka.